After Days

Every year is hard but this year seems to be the hardest.
Why is it when it's now we've come the farthest.
After you passes another child was within hope.
The hope of a healthy child helped us to cope.
Our healthy daughter is a blessing to treasure.
Even though our grief would never lose any measure.
The hope that was there back then is depleted.
This year the pain I feel is greater now that I have been cheated.
The third child I wanted is not in "the plan".
So these memorial days have passed, now I do what I can.
I struggle to find the hope I felt after you passed.
To have the family I've always dreamt of is all in the past.
Your Daddy can't bear to go through all of it again.
To live through of it brings the memories back from within.
My dream of more life takes it's place in the back seat.
Another loss, another hope, another grief in which to retreat.
The days past the memories should be bring me the same peace
As when we gave you health, the most selfish release.
Instead I feel robbed again, as if losing you wasn't enough.
The mourning the child that could've been has been extremely rough.
So I ask you grant me patience for what might be.
For the future that I fail to see.
I need peace in my heart that my dreams will be fulfilled
In whatever way my fate has it sealed.
These days after will be haunted by the dreams that I feel.
Change my thoughts and my focus on my blessed present.
And the purpose for which my life has been meant.
I can not live in the life of what could've.
But enjoy all the blessings of the ones that I love.
In hopes that one day my dreams will be fulfilled
In the manner in which time will me until
We meet in Heaven and I understand what it was all about.
My life and my love with will be my blessed account.