Saturday, March 9, 2013


I have always been a numbers person.  Some time ago I wrote a post about the number connections surrounding our journey.  Before we lost Trey, my favorite number was five, although I always eat candies in 2's.  The volume of ANY electrical device HAS to be a multiple of 5.  Tips at restaurants are given based on multiples of 5.  I have always wanted three children, a family of five.  At the time of my pregnancy, we had 4 animal children and were expecting or human child, 5 kids in all.

The warmth and connection of the number 5 lasted my entire life until we lost our first born.  4 was the number that took it's place.  And, just like the number 5, I found every connection to our tragedy using the number 4.  I really still wanted to have faith in the number 5 but it would be years before I would even consider it.

Two weeks from today will be Trey's 4th Birthday and when asked if we would have any other children every cell of my being wanted to wait until after his 4th birthday.  This year has been TERRIBLE for me on so many levels.  When schools started Lorelei was 13 months old (1+3=4).  This is my 13th year of teaching and not to mention it is now 2013.  4 is symbolic on SO many levels to me but it's time to return to my happy number, 5.  Four will always comfort me, but 5 is my life number.

If we are successful, I will still have my 3 children even though one is in Heaven.  Volumes will still be set in multiples of 5 and tips will be determined in multiples of 5.  In my soul, I believe there will be some resolution to my purpose as an Angel Mommy when I have a third child.  The happy times of the number 5 and my comfort with it will once again comfort me, this time for life.  I have not been entirely comfortable with my hiatus from the number 5 so it makes me excited to get back to comfort number.

Until then, I will continue to trust the numbers that come into or connect with my life.

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