Tuesday, March 19, 2013


John and I still bathe with our daughter, John usually has her in the shower and I in the bath.  The past two days she has had a fever so I had to stay home with her today, my husband can't pick her up due to spinal surgery almost a month ago.

We have lived in our home for 4 1/2 years and I know the ins and outs of our home so it surprised when the cold drip that comes from the nozzles of the shower affected me.  Per usual, I was singing along with the IPod hoping my daughter would inherit the same love on music my DNA possesses and watching her play with warmth in my heart.  In these days of dread, both of Trey's Birthday and Angel Day, the littlest things bring me down but watching my daughter happy kills all sadness.  A midst the joy of the healing time together with my daughter, that's when I felt it...

a cold drip...



On and on they continued as they always have but I always moved out of their way favoring a much more warm environment.  This time, it seemed, I was paralyzed by the chill each droplet brought me, I couldn't move and I found myself struggling to keep up with the melody on the IPod.  Much more, I could not keep my thoughts afloat.  With each chilling touch, I was reminded of the ice in the middle of the cold comfort in my life.  Especially at this time when the littlest thing sets me in a tail spin of thought and introspect this cold irony chilled any bit of strength that I hold onto when special dates come around.

At some point I just let them fall on me, at first wincing at their icy sting then comforted by the reality of its' presence.

I began to think that the environment I found myself in was 95% warmth and purity.  Only 5% stole away from that, made me think, caused me to feel in such a way.  Isn't that life?  Most of our lives fill us, whether we know it or not, with love and purpose.  The things that truly plague us amount to very little if we truly value and focus on those entities that fill us with love an hope.  I find myself sunk in all that life has dealt me, not steering myself to the love all around me.  Yes, I love my son and that will never change.  I also love my family, friends, home, career, health, causes, spirit, voice, personality, and so many other things that I include that my mind is kicking itself not able to relay.

This revelation does not, AT ALL, reflect on the love I have for my son yet it proves that love does indeed carry on.  When we found out that we were pregnant with Trey a new love grew from the love already in our loves.  That love still lives amongst every other element of love we have gathered and held dear since our birth.

The cold still stings and ironically radiates.  Yet out of the cold drips of life, the warmth of love carries me forward.  In this instance, I did not let the cold drips steel me away from the time that I spent in the midst of love.  It is a reminder but it is not my total temperature.

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