Music has always been a part of my life. I was born into a musical spirited family with harmony and my Aunt Melody (true story). Music continues to be therapy, solace, an outlet, a discovery, a calming, an instigator, and a journey. I have always felt meaning in so many tunes, mainly my favorites. I don't like music with trite lyrics and overused metaphors. I love music that reaches me, teaches me, connects with me and makes me think.
Lately I have been discovering that new songs that I once loved are being played incessantly by American radio, so much so that I tire of them. An example is "Some Nights" by the band Fun. I love the song which on the surface to me is about a rock star that leaves behind a girl he loves to pursue his stardom. Well, 1000 times later on the radio I find myself changing the channel. The other day it played on the radio AGAIN so I decided to listen to find another meaning. The lyrics that sold me were "Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle, some nights I wish they'd just fall off". I began to think on my blog and how I wished the book deal I was seeking featuring my journal of the first year after losing Trey would not have cost me $1500 up front. Half of the book would contain my musings while the other half would be lined paper for the reader to add their own thoughts. That was me building a castle. My lips falling off would stand for not even wanting to have to blog about this in the first place.
So, last night I was at a country western bar (insert flying pigs) celebrating a dear friends birthday. Soon after we walked in the door and paid our cover charge (Lord, it's been a long time since I have done that) the song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks came on. I was a great fan of Garth long ago before the confusion of the appearance of Chris Gaines. I am not much of a country fan but his lyrics always intrigued me. As I listened to the song and watched what looked to be a roller rink of a dance floor of couples slow dancing, the meaning of the song changed from a song about losing a romantic love to my loss. "And now I'm glad I didn't know,The way it all would end the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance".
I began to make a connection between "the dance" of romantic love lost and losing a child. I AM glad I didn't know the way it all would end. The knowledge would have stolen the joy of being pregnant with my first born, the wonder, the dreams, the hopes, in essence...the whole experience. As tragic as the situation is, I wouldn't trade a SECOND of it if it means I got to love my son and be with him for 13 days. "The dance" I engaged in led me to the love of a son, the journey of grief and the outreach that I hope Angel Steps provides.
Knowing myself, it I had known I wouldn't want to go through it, I would chicken out. But I was not given the choice of knowing and I am better for it.
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance
Lately I have been discovering that new songs that I once loved are being played incessantly by American radio, so much so that I tire of them. An example is "Some Nights" by the band Fun. I love the song which on the surface to me is about a rock star that leaves behind a girl he loves to pursue his stardom. Well, 1000 times later on the radio I find myself changing the channel. The other day it played on the radio AGAIN so I decided to listen to find another meaning. The lyrics that sold me were "Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle, some nights I wish they'd just fall off". I began to think on my blog and how I wished the book deal I was seeking featuring my journal of the first year after losing Trey would not have cost me $1500 up front. Half of the book would contain my musings while the other half would be lined paper for the reader to add their own thoughts. That was me building a castle. My lips falling off would stand for not even wanting to have to blog about this in the first place.
So, last night I was at a country western bar (insert flying pigs) celebrating a dear friends birthday. Soon after we walked in the door and paid our cover charge (Lord, it's been a long time since I have done that) the song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks came on. I was a great fan of Garth long ago before the confusion of the appearance of Chris Gaines. I am not much of a country fan but his lyrics always intrigued me. As I listened to the song and watched what looked to be a roller rink of a dance floor of couples slow dancing, the meaning of the song changed from a song about losing a romantic love to my loss. "And now I'm glad I didn't know,The way it all would end the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance".
I began to make a connection between "the dance" of romantic love lost and losing a child. I AM glad I didn't know the way it all would end. The knowledge would have stolen the joy of being pregnant with my first born, the wonder, the dreams, the hopes, in essence...the whole experience. As tragic as the situation is, I wouldn't trade a SECOND of it if it means I got to love my son and be with him for 13 days. "The dance" I engaged in led me to the love of a son, the journey of grief and the outreach that I hope Angel Steps provides.
Knowing myself, it I had known I wouldn't want to go through it, I would chicken out. But I was not given the choice of knowing and I am better for it.
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance
Garth Brooks The Dance by dbdannyray555
It's funny, I have found quite a few songs now that I know were written to be about romantic love, but have fit the love between mother and the child she lost even better. I remember singing "A Thousand Years" to my baby when I was pregnant, and now I listen to it to remember her.
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