I found myself feeling very lonely in regards to my son through the holiday season. I usually feel him around me most of the time and I know when he's listening so I talk to him. I love talking to him. He often tells me things I don't want to hear but he's always right. Except he wasn't there during the bitter sweetness of the holidays.
At first I thought he was away to keep my mind off of him. When Christmas came and went I found the 26th a very heavy day, not really knowing why. Upon thinking on it, I thought that maybe the hustle, bustle and joy of the holidays just came to a halt, it was like a sugar crash. But as the new year approached and the fog did not lift, I began to wonder and fall deeper and deeper within myself. I started blogging more, even though I did it genuinely, maybe it was because I hoped through my musings I would find the Grand Master to my funk.
This all changed Saturday when I was talking to my dear friend Holly (let me know if you want to get in touch with her). She has spiritual abilities to say the least. She had never been to my house before and new little about our loss. The first thing she said when she came to my house was that Trey likes the tree we planted for him and that he loves to play in trees. (Again, let me know if you want her info.)
Back to the story. I was talking with her and she asked how my holidays were. I said that they were excellent filled with family and friends but I also shared with her my feeling that Trey has been distant. Before I even finished my thought she shivered and said she had chills. I asked her why and she said that he's been away to be with the kids from Sandy Hook. I nearly fell over. Here I was thinking he was trying to help me when he was serving his purpose in Heaven.
At that moment I felt a pride I had never felt in him EVER and EVERYONE knows how much pride I feel about my son by how much I talk about him, help others in his name, and hold him close to my heart. The dismay I had felt over his distance did not melt away, it DISINTEGRATED!! My heart and soul were at peace, mostly because he was welcoming those precious babies into Heaven's playground. My friend went on to tell me that those 20 children did not understand why they were in Heaven. To that I said, they left every bit of the tragedy, fear, and pain on Earth and she agreed saying that those elements have NO place in Heaven.
As soon as I got home December 14th I searched on Facebook for sites for Sandy Hook Elementary and Newtown and left messages and comments saying that I had lost a child, not in the horrific way they did, but I was here for them when and if they EVER needed. Saturday's events led me to believe that Trey is taking care of the kids and I am reaching out to their parents and community. For some reason I feel he needed to take those babies into his care before I could do my work here. Even if not a one of them contacts me, I feel good knowing that I reached out. It's hard to ask for help and they don't know me from Adam but that doesn't stop me from feeling for them and wanting to help. I am not focused on that now though, I am IN LOVE with the idea that Trey took those angel babies in.
My baby boy helped them.
My son had a role in helping these babies.
Trey served his purpose, one of many I am sure.
You couldn't find a prouder Mommy, EVER!!!!
RIP sweet babies and the 6 adults who gave their lives protecting them. HUGS, prayers, and love always!