You often hear it said that "God never gives you more than you can handle" and at the time we lost Trey I would look up the heavens and say "REALLY?!?!?! YOU THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS?!?!?"
I heard someone say this common saying and got to thinking: Is Trey in Heaven because it was more than the three of us could handle? I can see how Trey was given more than he could handle, but then you look at our lives. How bad would it have been caring for him, watching him struggle, raising an impaired child, the constant medical bills and visits, the hospitalization, his life long dependency on us, and the pain of the helplessness we would feel with his condition.
It puts a lot into perspective though we still ask ourselves why did God give him to us if he it was already more than we could handle?
Our fate with him must have been impossible, the same way we felt about getting through his death. True, in both scenarios their is lifelong heartache.
As much as I miss him and wish he were alive and healthy with us, I am glad he is healthy and happy in Heaven. We are also better for it even through our sorrow. John and I are inspired to help other families dealing with similar situations all in the name of Trey. Instead of spending the majority of his life totally focused on his medical status, our eyes were open to a world we never wanted to see, child loss. But through that vision we keep our loss ever present in our minds and strive to reach out to those who are walking the same path.
I don't think or feel we've seen the last of our son. Maybe what we couldn't handle was the now and what we could handle was the wait to have some symblance of him, either through spirit or a renewed soul that blesses our family or within the love of friends. He had important work to do, in our lives and in the lives of all he touched.
Who knows where we would be as a family and as individuals if Trey would have lived, sic or not. What I have realized is that I CAN handle this grief and any other obstacle that comes my way. The ones that are too great for me are removed. God must have considered me pretty strong to saddle me with this journey, others crumble under the weight and I can understand why.
Though there are times that I am weak, I am ever amazed at the progress in my journey so far. Losing Trey was hard, but apparently not harder than we can handle. I feel empowered and know that I can conquer anything because nothing can be worse than losing your child.
"God never gives you more than you can handle". Thank you God for taking Trey and recognizing that he couldn't handle it. And thank You too for helping me learn how much I can handle and for letting me, through this journey, realize how strong I am.