Saturday, August 11, 2012


We all deal with death different ways, hell, we all deal with life different ways, yet some prefer to deal with life's dealings without sobriety.

I am a lover of the spirits and on a sober night I had the time to think clearly, to reflect, to really feel what my life is like now and what it was back then until now.

We all choose our insobriety with life, be it anger, alcohol, drugs, spending, denial, promiscuity, avoiding, self depreciating, sleeping around, whatever. And for the moment(s), these things soothe us.  They soften the reality of what has broken us, what consumes us.  Most of us want to escape these vices yet when faced with our own feelings, we lean on the things that comfort us for the moment, yet moments turn into years and before we know it we are nose deep in our undoings.

When I think on all the vices previously mentioned I am ashamed.  Most of them I am not a victim to, yet the ones I have succumbed too stare me in the face daily.

Now I am sure that we can all look up the definition of sobriety and dependency, but definitions don't encapsulate the lives of those effected.

No one can identify with those who are addicted, dependent, or held hostage by the trials of life unless they have held those unfortunate circumstances. The same is true for those who deal with the loss of a child, the only sobriety we have is waking up each day and putting one foot in front of the other until we try to fall asleep at night.

So which should we choose, something that numbs a pain that invades EVERY cell of our lives or the solidarity and the actuality that induces the most gut wrenching realizations and emotions of life?  Who wouldn't choose the former?  The pain of of living the painful life that has been dealt to you or anesthetizing it to soothe our existence, that is quite the choice.

The easiest choice is to numb the pain, yet where is the healing?  The hardest choice is to remain sober in ANY capacity but where is the relief?  We ALL want to live life with sorrows numbed yet we all know in our hearts that the only way to get through life we need to be lucid: mind, body, and spirit.

So where do we draw the line?  Do we live every moment of the hurt, the torment, the gut wrenching existence that is the loss of a child?  We know that our journey is lifelong, only ending when we leave this Earth the way our child(ren) did.  Or do we "get by" clinging to whatever can make us take the next step forward without feeling the mud beneath our feet?

It is a delicate balance to say the least.  Take grief out of the equation and our vices still have a place to reside, be it due to stress, anger, depression, gluttony, sloth, or mere boredom.  Many folks break sobriety in ANY sense as an expression of what others demonstrate as putting their feet up and relaxing.   When it goes beyond that and your proverbial self is no longer putting it's feet up, but instead, struggles not to drag it's feet, then the self is left numb, therein lies the problem.

When we get cavities filled, we get mildly sedated to ease the pain for the procedure, yet we don't continue to be mildly sedated after the fact, we get through a period of soreness and move on.  For more severe ailments, sometimes doctors will induce a coma through heavy medications in order for the body to be able to heal and rest.  Yet once things have stabilized and the body is more apt to tolerate further treatment, the heavy sedation is slowly weaned.   In both scenarios, "sobriety" is BRIEFLY interrupted, not carried on for the long term.

Where is this rambling going?  Not quite sure, but revelations have been made, connections realized, guilt assuaged, truths unearthed, and life remastered.

As with everything else, moderation is the key.  Too much "sobriety" in any capacity including denial and worse, the out-of-sight-out-of-mind mentality, will ultimately lead to one not taking care of themselves and their healing.  Pushing forward in full force without stopping to consider our grief is not healing, we need to do things that relax our senses and give us peace.  On the flip side, the dependence of ANY vice will only numb what needs to be healed and leave us less healthy and more delusional than when we started.  We NEED sobriety, it is only when sober that our thoughts are clear and we can, with firm stance, look into our hearts, heads, and our futures.

Both extremes mask true grief.   Both extremes are harmful to our mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological health.   Both extremes are worse than grief itself.

Grief is not a cruel master, grief only becomes your master when you let it.  

1 comment:

  1. you have explained it perfectly you know me but i have to say ive often wondered why soem people are so differen t and well i know people grieve but there are tiems when i feel there r ppl in the world who reject the love and kindess i try to offer and your piece explained the reason why that is so love u