I Think Of You

I think of you when children play.

I think of you when other kids register for sports.

I think of you when I look at your sister.

I think of you when I see 323.

I think of you when Spring is coming.

I think of you when I look at your Daddy.

I think of you when I hear of another sick baby.

I think of you when I hear of a NICU baby.

I think of you when I get a CHARGE email.

I think of you when the wind kisses me.

I think of you in March and April.

I think of you when LL sleeps in the nursery.

I think of you when your Daddy cries.

I think of you when the stars shine.

I think of you when life gets hard.

I think of you when your sister smiles.

I think of you when a child dies.

I think of you when a mother suffers.

I think of you when parents struggle with infertility.

I think of you when the silence is deafening.

I think of you when I no one to talk to.

I think of you when I feel like no one wants to hear about you anymore.

I think of you when someone tells me that their relationship with their child has been enriched because of you.

I think of when I hear my favorite songs.

I think of you when I see your clothes.

I think of you when your Grandmama and I are at odds.

I think of you when I look at my belly.

I think of you when your little sister does something new.

I think of you when LL plays with your toys.

I think of you on holidays.

I think of you when I look into Lorelei's eyes.

I think of you when people mention you.

I think of you when people I know are pregnant.

I think of you when I hear the Beatles.

I think of your when I see an angel.

I think of you when I see little feet.

I think of you when I pass the hospital you were born at.

I think of you when your Daddy and I have nothing to say to each other but we know what each other is thinking.

I think of your when I hear your Daddy's name.

I think of your when I see the scar the IV they gave me for your birth.

I think of you when I see the tattoo I got for you.

I think of you in my new car, the car we were supposed to get before your birthday.

I think of you on your due date.

I think of you when I see toddlers.

I think of you when I see clouds.

I think of you when I get my period.

I think of you when I see your sonograms.

I think of you when I see my favorite picture of you.

I think of you when I see my parents, the way they cried when we'd lost you.

I think of you when I see a disabled person.

I think of you when I see a little boy.

I think of you when spending time with other Angel Mommies.

I think of you when a parents loses a child.

I think of you when Lorelei wears your clothes.

I think of you when I need solace from the trials of life.

I think of you when the ocean waves caress my feet.

I think of you when I say good-bye.

I think of you when I leave your sister at the sitter you were supposed to have.

I think of you when I'm in our backyard, the place you were supposed to play.

I think of you when organizations raise money for sick kids.

I think of you when wandering through the empty rooms of our home.

I think of you when I sing.

I think of you when I go to sleep.

I think of you when I wake.

I think of you when I am worried about your sister.

I think of you when I see ambulances.

I think of you when I see the gifts loving people made for you.

I think of you when I see the number 23.

I think of you as the months go by.

I think of you when I see the garden I tried to make for you with my army green thumb, barren.

I think of you when pregnant mommies have sick babies inside them.

I think of you when I think of sickness.

I think of you when my heart races.

I think of you when something goes right.

I think of you when something goes wrong.

I think of you with every glass of wine.

I think of you when I see my breast milk

I think of you in the quiet hours

I think of you on sleepless nights.

I think of you because I gave birth to you and  you're my son my first born,  and I love you.