Friday, March 2, 2012

Dear Lorelei,



Sweet baby girl, my muncheechee, you are SUCH a blessing!  You are our rainbow baby, but you were dreamt about and wished for since the beginning of time.  You will ALWAYS have a guardian angel in your big brother Trey.  You will also have parents who honor you as the individual spirit that you are.  I can already tell that you have an independent spirit, a strong soul, and a color that defies the rainbow.  You were not conceived due to Trey's loss, you were conceived from the same love that brought us Trey.

My heart is still healing from losing your brother, and it very well may forever be healing but that has NOTHING to do with my love for you!.  I have given birth to TWO children and you are the only one I get to watch grow up, to hold in the flesh, to experience life with.  Your growth and milestones continue to amaze me, you are a joy and a beauty to all who know and love you.  You entered this world with such anticipation yet everyone knew that your Daddy and I would not give up on having living children of our own, and YOU are the product of our love and need to have children to complete our family.

Your brother had so many health issues, I don't think he was sick, he was merely inflicted with a condition that he did not deserve to live a life coping with.  We let him go to live a perfect life in Heaven, a painless life, a Heavenly existence that forgives his suffering on this Earth.  We did not give up on him, we actually gave him the ultimate life, free of ailment, free of suffering, free of pain, he walks with Jesus, he  breathes in Heaven.

I take joy in watching you grow and thrive.  I ADORE making your food for you even though breast feeding didn't last the year I wanted it to, you are sustained with love, homemade food, and good old fashion southern parental loving!  Everyone who meets you says that you are beautiful, you're a good baby, you're the spitting image of me.  That makes me think of Trey, he was the spitting image of your Daddy, except for his hair...that was mine.  Now, we have you, the spitting image of me, but your hair is you Daddy's.

I SO want you to be a Mama one day so you can see the connection a Mommy has with her children.  It will only then when you know why I still hold Trey so close, even though I am sure he wants me to let him go, there's no way I can.  If not for him, we wouldn't have you, I still feel that in our grief he was holding hands with you waiting for the right time to send you down to us, he chose you to be his sibling, and he chose perfectly, he waited for you, he chose you for us.  You were destined to be our daughter, our inspiration, our salvation, our peace.

You are beautiful inside and out, you are colorful, smart, and inquisitive!  You have healed our lives so much but that was not your purpose, that was NOT the reason why you were conceived. The WONDERFUL thing about you is that your were destined for a driven life.  You are, as your brother is, a gift of love, a blessing, a life affirmation.  Because of you, our life has been enhanced, our souls have been humbled, our love for BOTH of our children has been cemented.

I would never say that you had big shoes to fill, I would never say it because both of my children wear different shoes.  While Trey wore your Daddy's work boots, you wear clogs, shoes of comfort yet strength. Your souls is separate from Trey's though you are bonded as siblings.  I hope you ask about Trey, I hope you know he is always with you to protect you and look after you.  I hope you include him in your life even though he is gone like we do.  Not a day goes by without us talking to him or sending him our love or joking about him.  He will forever be in our hearts, our home, and a part of our family.

I so wished you and Trey would've grown up together, I bet you two would've been good friends, as your Daddy and I are friendly, outgoing people.  I miss not being able to see him grow but feel blessed that I get to experience with you.  I often say that because Trey never got a chance to smiles, he sent all of his smiles and giggles down with her.  Your laughter, silliness, and smiles brighten our days EVERYDAY!!

Finally, I want to tell you I don't want you to be afraid something will happen to you because of what happened to him.  I cannot predict your life, although I suspect it will be brilliant, but Daddy and Mommy will do EVERYTHING we can to protect you and keep you healthy.  Unfortunately there are things in this life that we cannot control, that we don't want to happen, that are tragic. These tragedies, though hard to bare, teach us life lessons and allow us to learn more about ourselves and our place in the world.  I hope your heartache in this life is limited, but when it comes, know that Trey is with you and Mommy and Daddy will be also.  Know that you are unique, that you have your own guardian angel, that you hold the honor of having an Angel Brother, you are surrounded in love. 

We love you too much for  words, without measure, to infinity, unconditionally, inside and out!

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