Yet, over the weekend I think the three of us turned a corner. It started Friday with the oh so joyous trip to the tag office which took an hour and a half to reach instead of forty minutes. Luckily, Lorelei stayed asleep the whole time. After waiting for my number to be called, I went to the window lugging the car seat with me and in talking with the woman in the window, I found out that I did not have a form I needed. Automatically, I teared up out of frustration at this dead end that required an hour and a half in the car with a baby and out of fear of how I could get her out to the office again without her velociraptor cries becoming the soundtrack . She asked if I would be coming back that day with the form and through tears I pointed to my sleeping child and told her no, it took an hour and a half to get there, it's hard getting a baby prepped for round two of the motor vehicles run around. With tears fresh in my eyes, I left. As I was driving down the highway back home, I replayed the scenario in my head and realized that I was now able to say that I had a baby. That thought made me smile as a child is something that I have wanted all of my life. After losing Trey, I thought I would never be able to say that I have a baby without solely referring to my Heavenly baby.
Later, as I worried over how much she would scream at me that day, I began to talk to Trey, as I often do when stress is affecting my life. I found myself saying "Trey, I know we told you we REALLY wanted to hear your sister cry, but I think what's she's done so far is quite sufficient. We get the point. So, whisper in her ear and tell her that we are doing the best we can to make her happy and for her to be patient with us." Low and behold, days later, we've enjoyed more peaceful days with our daughter. She cries when she needs changing, attention, food, or sleep. Otherwise, she enjoys looking around, wiggling, and making more joyous noises.
Through the rough weeks of colic, we often had to sleep with her in our bed or on the couch, wherever she fell asleep! I thought I would NEVER get my sleep space back again. Yet, last night, during the fourth night in a row she slept in the bassinet, I wanted to pick her up and snuggle her as we slept, I missed her. After a rough start, we're finally getting into a groove, all three of us. All that matters is that she is growing and thriving. Every smile and coo she gives me nowadays slowly erases the cherry red-faced screams in my face for hours on end for weeks. Now, when I talk to Trey, I say "Son, you did good!!!"