Wednesday, August 17, 2011

6 Weeks

Tomorrow our little siren will be 6 weeks old.  This milestone marks the end of my maternity leave as well.  Monday I go back to work and as much as I am looking forward to relieving my cabin fever, I am suddenly realizing the passage of time.  The first month with Lorelei were VERY difficult.  Some call this period of time the fourth trimester, the first three months of their life.  It was quite the adjustment for me as an independent person to get used to having a baby "attached" to me 24/7.  Yet, in the last two weeks, she is coming into her own and so are we.  She no longer has two choices: scream or sleep.  She looks around, wiggles, stays alert, snuggles, smiles, coos, hums, and reacts to Daddy and Mommy now.  Those first few weeks I YEARNED for my work life, WISHED to have time away from her (not that I didn't love her) and STRUGGLED with feelings of guilt because of my wishings and yearnings.

Yet these last two weeks have been different.  When I leave her in capable hands, I can't wait to get back to her.  I long to have her "attached" to me.  She calms at the sound of my voice and her personality is REALLY coming through.  She has made these last weeks of my maternity leave EXTREMELY wonderful and enjoyable, I don't want it to end.

My husband asked me tonight if I would be having issues on Monday when she goes to daycare for the first time and at this point I say no, I am becoming more and more comfortable with leaving her in capable hands.  But when Monday comes, who knows.  Last week I THOROUGHLY enjoyed spending time at work getting my classroom ready for the year.  I was in my element.  Yet, I couldn't wait to get home to her.  Having time in my career environment recharged me for nighttime challenges of having a newborn, I was better for her being back in my work environment.  I think I will be jealous of her care givers time with her during the day as she smiles and coos even more each day.  I will worry about her each day as I worry when she is with anyone but me, but I mainly worry about her crying constantly in their face and they will deal with it.  I know it was hard for me after two hours.

Anywho, I am enjoying this week with her.  We've cuddled more this week and visited family.  I know she's in good hands when I go back to work, but they will not be my hands or Daddy's hands so I am sure that will come to a head on Monday.  Daddy is dropping her off each morning, not only due to the sitter's hours, but my sanity as well.  I look forward to picking her up on Monday, snuggling with her, and hearing the news that she did well.  As always, I will ask Trey for strength in letting her go and for him to be with her when she is away from us.  Moving to the next step is never easy but necessary, she'll be better for it and hopefully I will be too.

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