Wednesday, August 17, 2011

6 Weeks

Tomorrow our little siren will be 6 weeks old.  This milestone marks the end of my maternity leave as well.  Monday I go back to work and as much as I am looking forward to relieving my cabin fever, I am suddenly realizing the passage of time.  The first month with Lorelei were VERY difficult.  Some call this period of time the fourth trimester, the first three months of their life.  It was quite the adjustment for me as an independent person to get used to having a baby "attached" to me 24/7.  Yet, in the last two weeks, she is coming into her own and so are we.  She no longer has two choices: scream or sleep.  She looks around, wiggles, stays alert, snuggles, smiles, coos, hums, and reacts to Daddy and Mommy now.  Those first few weeks I YEARNED for my work life, WISHED to have time away from her (not that I didn't love her) and STRUGGLED with feelings of guilt because of my wishings and yearnings.

Yet these last two weeks have been different.  When I leave her in capable hands, I can't wait to get back to her.  I long to have her "attached" to me.  She calms at the sound of my voice and her personality is REALLY coming through.  She has made these last weeks of my maternity leave EXTREMELY wonderful and enjoyable, I don't want it to end.

My husband asked me tonight if I would be having issues on Monday when she goes to daycare for the first time and at this point I say no, I am becoming more and more comfortable with leaving her in capable hands.  But when Monday comes, who knows.  Last week I THOROUGHLY enjoyed spending time at work getting my classroom ready for the year.  I was in my element.  Yet, I couldn't wait to get home to her.  Having time in my career environment recharged me for nighttime challenges of having a newborn, I was better for her being back in my work environment.  I think I will be jealous of her care givers time with her during the day as she smiles and coos even more each day.  I will worry about her each day as I worry when she is with anyone but me, but I mainly worry about her crying constantly in their face and they will deal with it.  I know it was hard for me after two hours.

Anywho, I am enjoying this week with her.  We've cuddled more this week and visited family.  I know she's in good hands when I go back to work, but they will not be my hands or Daddy's hands so I am sure that will come to a head on Monday.  Daddy is dropping her off each morning, not only due to the sitter's hours, but my sanity as well.  I look forward to picking her up on Monday, snuggling with her, and hearing the news that she did well.  As always, I will ask Trey for strength in letting her go and for him to be with her when she is away from us.  Moving to the next step is never easy but necessary, she'll be better for it and hopefully I will be too.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Rainbow Babies

‎"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

We love BOTH our Rainbow Baby and our Heavenly son equally and so much so that it cannot be measured!  CHEERS to Heavenly and Earthly children and to all those that love them!  

Friday, August 12, 2011

Friday Rainbow Baby Blog Rodeo

WHAT???  She got the catalog before ME??!?!?

This week Lorelei took her first trip to Mommy's favorite store : IKEA!!   This was big (more for me) as I just love this store.  I love it so much that I camped out the night before our Atlanta store opened and was the 11th person in line to enter the new store.  Also, I have been known to arrive at the butt crack of dawn to take advantage of a good deal.  My house is riddled with IKEA goods and my wish list for the store is a mile long (probably longer).

Anyway, back to Lorelei's experience.  She was able to pick up the newest 2012 IKEA catalog (which Mommy didn't even have yet).   She slept most of the time but I am sure she smelled the Swedish meatballs from the restaurant and she wiggled I her car seat solely to remind me to check out the "as-is" section. And just to prove she IS her mother's daughter, she cried on the way out.  She didn't purchase any furniture to assemble but she did leave with a toy!

I am sure there will be plenty more trips to IKEA but the first one is always the most special!

With her new toy "fabler mus"

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

One Month Down

First Bath
Lorelei is officially one month old and OH what a month it has been.  She spent the greater part of the month screaming, eating, sleeping, and screaming and nothing we did would appease her.  We had a heck of a time managing her colic but (fingers crossed) we think that mischief is managed.  During the hell that is colic, I did not think of Trey the way I thought I would in the early days of Lorelei's life.  I thought I would have a hard time doing things with Lorelei that I never could do with Trey.  Instead, I found myself thanking my lucky stars that we didn't have to go through colic with Trey! I also found myself apologizing to Trey for my emotional ups and downs and frustrations regarding the early days of his sister's life.  Insert guilt here!!

Yet, over the weekend I think the three of us turned a corner. It started Friday with the oh so joyous trip to the tag office which took an hour and a half to reach instead of forty minutes.  Luckily, Lorelei stayed asleep the whole time.  After waiting for my number to be called, I went to the window lugging the car seat with me and in talking with the woman in the window, I found out that I did not have a form I needed.  Automatically, I teared up out of frustration at this dead end that required an hour and a half in the car with a baby and out of fear of how I could get her out to the office again without her velociraptor cries becoming the soundtrack .  She asked if I would be coming back that day with the form and through tears I pointed to my sleeping child and told her no, it took an hour and a half to get there, it's hard getting a baby prepped for round two of the motor vehicles run around.  With tears fresh in my eyes, I left.  As I was driving down the highway back home, I replayed the scenario in my head and realized that I was now able to say that I had a baby.  That thought made me smile as a child is something that I have wanted all of my life.  After losing Trey, I thought I would never be able to say that I have a baby without solely referring to my Heavenly baby.

Later, as I worried over how much she would scream at me that day, I began to talk to Trey, as I often do when stress is affecting my life.  I found myself saying "Trey, I know we told you we REALLY wanted to hear your sister cry, but I think what's she's done so far is quite sufficient.  We get the point.  So, whisper in her ear and tell her that we are doing the best we can to make her happy and for her to be patient with us."  Low and behold, days later, we've enjoyed more peaceful days with our daughter.  She cries when she needs changing, attention, food, or sleep.  Otherwise, she enjoys looking around, wiggling, and making more joyous noises.

Through the rough weeks of colic, we often had to sleep with her in our bed or on the couch, wherever she fell asleep!  I thought I would NEVER get my sleep space back again.  Yet, last night, during the fourth night in a row she slept in the bassinet, I wanted to pick her up and snuggle her as we slept, I missed her.  After a rough start, we're finally getting into a groove, all three of us.  All that matters is that she is growing and thriving.  Every smile and coo she gives me nowadays slowly erases the cherry red-faced screams in my face for hours on end for weeks.  Now, when I talk to Trey, I say "Son, you did good!!!" 

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

There's a Nursery in Heaven

There's a nursery in heaven,
Where our sweet babies go.
It's a tiny little nursery
With cradles white as snow.
And the Angels gently rock them
And sing them lullabies.
Accompanied by the tears
That their Mommies and Daddies cry.
Every tear we shed is precious
Jesus collects each one,
And turns them into music
For our daughters and our sons
Cause there are no tears in heaven
Just a sense of calm and peace
And this is what our babies feel
As they are gently rocked to sleep.

For Ronan Love Mom