Well, here we are, at "the end", our due date, yet it does not seem to be the end of this pregnancy for us yet. I know that due dates offer no promise of a timely baby, yet I was hoping to be holding our daughter at this point or at least have some indication of progress, but alas, we are still in a holding pattern. I am incredibly grateful that this pregnancy has healthily reached term and continues in success to the due date, yet I am hoping that Lorelei has no ideas of trying to make up for the time her brother missed being born 6 weeks early.
The last week and a half has been excruciating for me, yet not in the normal pregnancy sense. I am blessed not to be swollen, achy in the back, or affected too much by the heat of early summer. Yet, without too much TMI, a certain backdoor issue kept my from following my doctor's orders and my preferred leisure of lounging around with my feet up. It's been well over a week since sufficient sleep, rest, comfort, and a pain-free existence. And as anyone who has been in pain for any period of time, the more time that passes, the more it wears on a person. It's especially frustrating to try to alleviate the problem in every possible way offered to no avail. So each and everyday we wait for our daughter to make her grand entrance promises pain and discomfort.
Add to that the desperation that my husband and I feel to hold a healthy baby in our arms after so much heart ache in the past. We yearn for the happiness and peace that comes with arrival, to break our cycle of heartache. It's might seem wrong to put all of that responsibility on one little baby, yet it's our reality. Losing our son stole pieces of us we will never be able to recover. Lorelei has let the sunshine back into our world and though she will never replace her brother, his life, or his memory, her birth and her life symbolize the love and family that my husband and I always wanted in our home. Even now, I find it hard to explain how essential her healthy birth is to our hearts and souls. Admittedly, we still fear ANY time between now and having her in this world, when we will have proof of her healthy birth. My husband is dedicated to being by my side through everything, even nervous about going to work, for fear of my being alone when going into labor or that he will miss anything involving the birth of our little girl. He spends a lot of time trying to help me be comfortable and helping to keep my spirits up. So together we wait, on edge, and OVER ready for her to be here.
At our doctor's appointment on Tuesday, we were told that at our next appointment (this Wednesday) options will be discussed, specifically induction. My lack of rest and extreme discomfort are our only advocates right now for medical intervention, otherwise, we'll still be playing the waiting game. Until then, we try to keep ourselves busy yet comfortable, answering daily messages asking for updates, and entertaining predictions from family and friends. Sometimes leaving the house can prove difficult, as we are constantly confronted with questions we don't have answers for and comments from well wishers. "Yes, we're still pregnant. No, we STILL have not had this baby. No, we have no idea when she will be here. We are so sorry to hear that your child was two weeks late. Yes, we've already tried that. Yes, we know she'll come out when she's ready." And so on. We created a baby pool in which people can predict when they think Lorelei will be born while donating money to the CHARGE Foundation. I must admit, I cringe when I view predictions any later than today! It's hard to imagine having to wait and endure anymore discomfort until the Fourth of July (a popular prediction) or even next week when everyday is torture enough as it is. It just reminds me of how much we will have to deal with physically, mentally, and emotionally until then. We've already explored the many old wive's tales of how to get labor going yet Lorelei seems to be on her own schedule and doing her own thing, a sure sign of the young lady she will become. We keep talking to her, trying to convince her or all of the perks of living in "the outside", we've even taken to asking Trey to do his own version of convincing.
We know that with each minute, hour, and day that passes, no matter how uncomfortable and unsettling, we are getting that much closer to giving birth and meeting our beautiful little girl! But, as with anything worth the wait, the waiting is always the hardest part. Everything we have been through during this pregnancy will be well worth it when she arrives healthy and happy. We keep reminding ourselves of the blessing of this healthy pregnancy and baby and the elation that her birth will bring. More time in the womb also bring with it growth and strength for the baby. We long for the peace and happiness of holding our daughter, but until then we hope the waiting game is gentle on us.