Monday, June 27, 2011

Rainbows Everywhere!!

Saturday began our 39th week of pregnancy and the weekend brought with it some Summer storms and RAINBOWS!   Many of our friends took pictures of the rainbows, sometimes even double rainbows, I just had to collect them.  It warms my heart that in the time leading up to our Rainbow Baby's arrival, the sky in the Atlanta area has been painted with rainbows.  Are they sent from Trey?  Are they merely coincidental?   I'm not sure, I just know that these rainbows are a beautiful welcome for our little girl Lorelei, our Rainbow Baby!
Rainbow Photo taken by her Grandpa
Rainbow photo taken by her Uncle Googie
Double Rainbow (South Cobb Drive)







Saturday, June 25, 2011

A Taste of Heaven


FINALLY, after much prodding and encouragement I read Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo, a touching story of a little boy struggling through health issues who, during a surgery, takes a field trip to Heaven.  Over the next few years, his family learns tidbits of his journey, details of loved ones loss that he would have no knowledge of, and his encounters with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  It was a beautiful glimpse of Heaven from the eyes and mouth of a child.

I thought about why it took me so long to give this book a chance and it occurred to me that maybe I didn't want ANYTHING changing the image of Trey's Heaven, a place where he has free reign to play all day, snuggles with his loved ones who have passed, watches his Earthly loved ones the way a child is glued to cartoons, and takes daily walks with other angel children and Jesus.  When people know that I have a baby in Heaven, I am sure they envision a baby, yet my vision is of a two year old boy presently who will most likely  grow in my vision of Heaven as he was never given the chance to here on Earth.  In my mind, he has medium length, light brown curly hair, an infectious spirit, and boundless energy, until of course one of his loved ones gets a hold of him at night and tells him stories of his loved ones on Earth and he drifts off to a peaceful slumber.  He is a social butterfly just like his parents, welcoming all new angels but he's especially an ambassador to angel babies and children, showing them around and accepting them as friends.

It took me nearly two years to even conceive the image of my child in Heaven,  In the beginning of my grief, I didn't accept him being there and didn't want him to be there.  He NEVER should have been sick and NEVER should have died to be saved from his illness.  His illness and passing represented (and still does) the ONE thing I literally hate about this world, being brought up to NEVER use the word "hate", applying the label is saying something.  People would express thankfulness that he was in Heaven and not suffering on Earth, yet Heaven was a place I could not reach until my time on Earth was through.  People would tell me I would see him again when my judgement comes and I would stew over the lifetime I would have to wait through until I held my baby again.  Heaven was a wonderful place that was off limits to me, no matter how much a I wanted to touch and hold my little boy, I was not allowed passage.  Heaven had something that belonged to me and in my mind, he was stolen property.  

Slowly, I began to create an image that softened my heart to the fact that Trey was not with us, a kind of fantasy or storybook that replaced the harsh reality that I live with daily and forever.  Some might call it escaping, avoidance, displacement, or whatever, I call it coping, a compromise of sorts.  If Trey has to be in Heaven, then fine, I will envision the life I would want him to have there. So I conjured up the most beautiful Heavenly life that I could for my son and hold that image in my head and in my heart with the force that cannot be broken. 

Reading Heaven is For Real did not take ANYTHING away from my vision of Trey's Heaven, it only added to it.  My favorite part was reading about how the little boy kept reminding his parents how much Jesus loves the children, so much so that his parents have to request that he not remind him so often.  I have always known that my son knows the love of the Holy Trinity in Heaven but I never understood the extent to which he knows AND understands that love, more than I do for myself.  This little boy's Heavenly experience convinces me that it was the love of Jesus that saved my little boy from a life of pain, suffering, and struggle.  I STILL don't like it, but I was reminded that right from the very beginning I could not live with myself if I allowed him to stay here on Earth, his own personal living Hell, that Heaven was the ONLY choice for him to live, truly live.  It conjures up yet another detail in my vision of Trey's Heaven, him high fiving Jesus and them sharing the deepest love and respect for one another.  

I will NEVER like it that my son is so far away from me in Heaven instead of being a living, thriving member of our family here on Earth, though I am grateful that he is not suffering in Heaven the way he would down here.   Reading Heaven is For Real  only affirmed that my son has a beautiful Heavenly life, and in all likelihood, it is far more beautiful than the life I have created for him in my heart and mind.  This little boy's Heavenly account added beauty to the canvas of Heaven that I painted for Trey, a kind of innocence that I, as an adult, could not imagine.  It might have taken me awhile to pick up the book and give it a chance, but I am glad I did.  With little the arrival of Trey's little sister so close, I look forward to telling her about her brother, the strength he showed in life, and the Heaven I believe with all my heart he lives in. 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My reflection in the window

In the home stretch now, 38 weeks and closing in on the glorious day when we will have our little girl in our arms and will proudly share her with the world.  We are riding high on our cloud along with all of our family and friends who are standing by, waiting for the news of her arrival.

Ever since we reached full term, my elated state has been paired with disbelief.  My head has wrapped itself around the events that will unfold in the coming weeks, sometimes busying itself with the not so pleasant realities of the birthing process, but knowing those unpleasantries will come and go, not even being considered as we enjoy our little girl.   My heart is not quite there yet, filled with love and excitement to meet our little girl.  Yet that same part of me can't put herself in a place where she envisions and believes 100% that it will happen.  For the last two years I feel like I have been staring at myself in the window, like the lights inside are on, but the outside world is still so dark and cold, making it hard to see anything but my own image.  I have felt somewhat trapped in my world, the only window to the rest of the world which lost it's sunshine the day we said goodbye to Trey.  I have only been able to see my own reflection and a life that has survived a great loss yet still struggles to take in a view of the world that is filled with light and happiness.  I stare out this window and watch happy children and their parents living on the way I thought we would be by now.  I have observed this world with a shattered heart that sees so much darkness without my little boy and knowing that his sunset will be met with his little sister's sunrise, her entrance into this world.  It seems to me that this is a truly a believe it when I see it type situation.  Her arrival will bring the sunshine back to my world allowing me to look out the window to a much different view than I have had these past couple of years.  With more light outside, I will see more of the beauty that this world has to offer instead of seeing only myself against the darkness.

After suffering such a loss, it's hard to envision the eminent happy ending as we spent so much time relying on that happy ending the first time around, only to have it ripped out from underneath us.  Though the odds are spilling over in our favor and in favor of a healthy birth followed by a healthy little girl, our only experience is loss.  We have nothing pleasant to refer back to and comfort us as we approach our daughter's birth.  It's is our hearts' wish that this birthing experience overshadows our last traumatic experience. No experience will EVER replace what we went through during Trey's birth, but I am hoping to look back at her birth and feel blessed that we had a birthing experience closer to "the norm".  We have been open with our doctors, sharing our last experience with them and they have assured us that the gaps in my care last time will NOT make a repeat appearance this time. Our circumstances are much for favorable this time around and we are giving birth in a new, more trusted environment so we trust our daughter's care to the staff a lot more willingly.

It saddens me that, so close the the birth of our daughter, I still struggle with disbelief yet this is the reality of pregnancy after loss.  Those who have not lost a child might not be in a place of understanding or empathy of the uncertainties that can still run rampant in the hearts of Angel Parents even under the best odds.  I am glad for this and hope they never have the experience that yields understanding.  Yet for us the proof is only in the pudding, the pudding in this case is the healthy birth and long life of our daughter Lorelei.  Holding her in my arms, I hope to be able to not only see the sunshine through the window pain, but also open the window and breathe in the fresh air of the beautiful new days ahead.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

100th Post for 100% Daddies!

On this Father's Day 2011, I would like to wish ALL Daddies a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!  This includes Earthly Daddies, Angel Daddies, Adoptive Daddies, Foster Daddies, Father Figures, Step Daddies, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers, and all other types of Daddies out there!  
Daddy and Me!

Unforgettable by Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole

Unforgettable
That's what you are,
Unforgettable
Tho' near or far.

Like a song of love that clings to me,
How the thought of you does things to me.
Never before
Has someone been more...

Unforgettable
In every way,
And forever more
That's how you'll stay.

That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am
Unforgettable, too.

[interlude]

Unforgettable
In every way,
And forever more
That's how you'll stay.

That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am
Unforgettable, too.

My husband and I

I Only Have Eyes For You

Are the stars out tonight?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
'Cause I only have eyes for you, dear
The moon may be high
But I can't see a thing in the sky
'Cause I only have eyes for you.

I don't know if we're in a garden
Or on a crowded avenue.

You are here, so am I
Maybe millions of people go by
But they all disappear from view
And I only have eyes for you.


You are here, so am I
Maybe millions of people go by
But they all disappear from view
And I only have eyes for you.





My Father-In-Law and I


Daddy's Hands by Holly Dunn

I remember Daddy´s hands, folded silently in prayer.
And reaching out to hold me, when I had a nightmare.
You could read quite a story, in the callouses and lines.
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind.
I remember Daddy´s hands, how they held my Mama tight,
And patted my back, for something done right.
There are things that I´ve forgotten, that I loved about the man,
But I´ll always remember the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

I remember Daddy´s hands, working 'til they bled.
Sacrificed unselfishly, just to keep us all fed.
If I could do things over, I´d live my life again.
And never take for granted the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love .....
In Daddy´s hands.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

My Dad is a Survivor



My Dad is a Survivor

My dad is a survivor too...
which is no surprise to me.
He's always been like a lighthouse
...that helps you cross a stormy sea.

But, I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he's down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others.
He cries when no one's around.

I watch him sit up late at night
with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
and wishes he could understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength.
He's the greatest of them all~!
But there are times when he needs to cry...
Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder...
And tell him it's okay.
Be his strength when he's sad
Help him mourn in his own way.

Now, as I watch over my precious dad
from the Heavens up above...
I'm so proud that he's a survivor...
And, I can still feel his love~!
(Many thanks to Bev's Little Angels page for the nice poem!)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

FULL TERM...in no uncertain terms


So we made it....FULL TERM!  In a few short weeks we will be holding our little girl!  Words cannot express the excitement we feel radiating through our bodies at the idea of meeting Lorelei and spending a lifetime with her!  The specialist says he would like to see her stay in until 39 weeks and we have had that talk with her, looks like she's being obedient so far.  He projects her weight will be around 7 pounds which is kind of smaller considering John and I were both big babies (yet everyone around me thinks she's gonna balloon up to 8 or 9 pounds by the time she gets here), but whatever, so long as she screams when she comes out and she BREATHES, I could care less how much she weighs!   The good news is I am FINALLY at a point where I am not too worried about the birth or even her for that matter, she has kept me entertained with her excitement over the last week and everything we have learned about over the last 9 months has assured us of her health and well-being.  She is DETERMINED to enter this world and live a beautiful life.  There have been challenges though, you know me, never getting to a good place without bumps in the road.

The last month has been quite the emotional roller coaster (overused term but until someone comes up with something else I am stuck---it explains  my feelings so well).  I've gone through periods of absolute elation and absolute fear!!  It brought to mind a visual I made up about tears of joy versus tears of sorrow.  I see tears of sorrow draining all of the joy out of your body through your toes and pulls so hard at every element of your body and soul that love leaks out of your eyes in the form of tears.  Whereas tears of joy occur when your body and soul is OVERFILLED with joy so much so that tears of happiness are forced out of your eyes.  I prefer the latter, yet I went through  both scenarios before reaching my current state of bliss.

The tears of sorrow flowed as I though of my baby boy and how much I miss him still SO SO SO much! I would be thinking of Lorelei and all of things we would get to experience with her and my heart would break at the truth that my son never got to experience ANY of it with us! Songs that used to make me smile as I sang them to Trey would reduce me to a hot emotional mess!  I spent SO much time feeling depressed and heart broken that I began to doubt my abilities as a mommy.  How can I possibly be a good Mommy to Lorelei when I can't keep myself together when it comes to her brother.  The reality: I am horribly brutal on myself with these matters and hard to forgive, but I HAD to come to a point where I forgave my lapse in strength, allowed myself to grieve my son, and pick myself up again (followed by a brief chiding of myself for beating myself up).  Eventually the depression, guilt, shame cycle lifted, I took a deep breath, and once again, asked my Angel Son for strength and OF COURSE he delivered!

The tears of joy weren't necessarily tears every time, mainly a feeling elation at every thought pertaining to our daughter. A lot of the time when I was down and out, I tried to steer my thinking by envisioning the things that will make me smile like staring into my daughters eyes, singing and talking to her, holding her, nursing her, etc. My husband assured me he would probably be an emotional mess when she gets here and I smiled and told him to just hang out by me, most likely, with Lorelei screaming, we'll all be emotional together!  He has also talked more about Trey in the last few weeks, promising that we will take Lorelei next summer to "Trey's Beach" as he put it, the beach where we released Trey's ashes.   When I put Trey's picture in our suitcase so that I can have him as a focal point, John said that he had no doubt that Trey would be there with us!  And he was INCREDIBLY open to including Trey's picture in our maternity photos!  It feels good to be in a strong place together in regards to our son!

We have busied ourselves with getting everything in the house an the car ready to bring her home and with everything we prepare we get more and more excited.  He is such a protective, loving, proud daddy, which hasn't changed a bit from our time with Trey.  Although we're both nervous about the whole thing, our excitement and love outshine ANY anxiety we have!  We just can't wait to love on her for a lifetime!

Other things try to creep in and steal the thunder of our joy, yet again, our joy is too big!!  Yesterday I started to arduous task of finding daycare for Lorelei for when I go back to work.  As I look at the various day cares with plans to invest in Raman Noodles, I have yet to find an environment that compares to the environment I have created in my home for her and I am plagued with guilt.  I have seen lots of caring people at these places, yet I am already in the frame of mind that no one can care for her the way her daddy and I will. In my perfect world, my mom and my (preferred) Mother-In-Law would be a hop, skip, and a jump away and would spend the work week at our house with their granddaughter so day care would not be an issue OR an expense!

 I am still amazed that people give you a "look" when you mention that you're going plan to go back to work  6 weeks after your baby is born.  My truth is that I want to save my off days to spend with Lorelei at the times she needs me the most, dreaded sick days, although I am praying she has few!!!  My maternity leave officially ends (if she is on time) the week of pre-planning (I teach first grade) so my first day back is the same day as when the kids come back.  It's a difficult time of the year to miss and plan for.  It is the most difficult in setting up your classroom, routines, dynamic, environment, and procedures and I, as many teachers are, have a hard time handing over the reigns to someone else at such a crucial time of the year.  I am sure to be a nervous wreck during those weeks if I choose to stay at home with Lorelei a little longer thinking about what is going on in MY classroom.  But, as ANY Angel Mommy knows, our plans are not necessarily set in stone nor do they fit in our perfect mold of life.  She might get here and I might decide that I can't go back to work right away or a C-Section (please no!!!) might keep me out of work a few more weeks.  So, I have planned and organized in the off chance that I will not be back at work and if that scenario pans out, I'll just have to let go of my need to be in total control of my classroom and let my daughter take the wheel for awhile.

I have also had to fend off the words and attitudes of other parents in regards to the tiresome infant days ahead.  I have had my fill of hearing about how much sleep I will lose and how tired I will be.  I don't need to hear about the endless loads of laundry and diaper changes I have to look forward to.  There are too many other comments to even pay mention to because they only get me in a tizzy!  I know these comments come as vents from parents who have been there and I get it that these are the realities of parenthood, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!  I KNOW these challenges are coming and I embrace them.  These challenges don't hold a candle to NEVER bringing your baby home and never watching them grow up.  I don't think ANY new Mommy should have to hear these gripes from other parents until they are ready to vent themselves.  Angel Mommies especially deserve to be kept out of the complaint loop, they would have gone to hell in back to have any and all challenges associated with parenthood with their Angel Child.  These challenges will come and go, but at least they are there.  Sleepless nights take on a whole new meaning when your child dies.

With all of this going on, we are still riding high on cloud nine.  Lorelei will change us heart and soul and we look forward to the transition!  As we evolve into Earthly parents, I can only hope that we make our Heavenly Son proud.  I am sure he is as elated as we are, dancing on his cloud knowing that his little sister's arrival is eminent!  

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

An Angel Never Dies



Don't let them say I wasn't born,
That something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave.
I've loved you from the start.
Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone.
This world was wortly not of me.
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word,
I'll find your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
You'll hear that it was "meant to be"
"god doesn't make mistakes".
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
I'm watching over all you do,
Another child, you'll bear.
Believe me when I say to you
That I am always there.
There will come a time,
I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
And then you'll understand.
Although I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn't mean I never "was"
An Angel never dies.

By: Theresa Britt

A Letter to my Daddy





Author Unknown


Daddy I might be in heaven
You feel we’re far apart
Please believe me daddy
I'm never very far.
I took the love with me
I live within your heart.
I will never ever leave you
As long as we are apart.

I chose you to be my daddy
Before I came to earth
You proved to me in every way
The choice I made was right
When you feel a gentle breeze
Or a tickle on your face
I'm sitting right beside you
Surrounding you with love.

I will wrap my wings around you
My Halo will light your way
And when the time is right
I'll meet you at heaven's gate
Remember me with pride
And the smile you loved so much
But please remember most of all
You are an Angel's pride…

Friday, June 10, 2011

Angel Siblings Video


This is a touching video made by the loving people at AngelBaby focusing on the loss that siblings feel when a baby goes to heaven.  


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Unanswered Questions

Below is a list of questions from parents who have lost their children, either through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal, or early childhood means.  Some of the questions are raw and honest, but all of the questions express our lack of understanding of why we buried our children instead of them burying us.  If you would like to add your question, please add it in the comment section below this post.  No names or screen names will be shared.


If prayer is supposed to always work, why didn't it save my son?


Why me? 


Why my little boy?


Why was I never given the option of seeing my baby after pregnancy was induced and my son being born, due to anencephely being diagnosed with my him........there has never been closure there, my baby would have been 27. Never had any answers from anywhere.


Why were we lied to for ten days and told our baby was making progress only to find out he was dying all along when we got to the children's hospital?  How can that doctor live with himself?


Will I EVER be relieved of the guilt of failing my child even when all evidence points to no fault on my part?


Why didn't I know it would be the last time I would see you? Why couldn't you tell me, somehow? 


Why was I born a woman and not given the chance to have a child to raise here on Earth? 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Dad's Grieve Too



This articles reminds us that dads grieve for their babies too.  So much of the condolences are directed toward the moms, yet dads are along for the emotional roller coaster ride.

What's Wrong With Me?

Monday, June 6, 2011



Baby loss talk is so taboo,
how would you feel, if it was close to you?
Would you want to talk and share in the joy,
of your baby's life, be it a girl or a boy?
Because a life is a life and a loss is a loss,
......no matter what age, there is no cost.
Priceless they are, precious all the same.
It happened to me, then the questions came.
Now should i say i have two,
when really there's three?
Just because one isn't here now with me?
I love them all and treasure each day,
but one of my babies was taken away.
Up into the heavens, high in the sky
and for a long time, i'd sit there and cry.
Not so much now, as life goes on,
but, i will never stop singing her special song.
Today you can ask me, my answer will say
"Yes, i have children, but one couldn't stay"

-written for my baby girl
kyla louise scells
31/10/09 - 3/3/10

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Can You Here Me When I Talk To You?
- Ashley Gearing
Time passes by so quickly
But I guess I thought you'd be here forever
I never even had a chance
To say goodbye
There's so many things to tell you
Left unsaid until now

Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Do the words I say ever make it through?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I knew

Every night I have the same dream
The one where you get to hold me
We laugh and talk until the morning
And then you vanish,yeah
It always leaves me feeling helpless
When I wake up and you're not there

Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Do you know how much I'd love to be with you?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew

Living in this world without you
I constantly search through my memories
Hoping that I find some treasures
That I passed over,yeah
All that I took for granted
Means so much now and I won't let it go

Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I never said some things that I meant to
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew

You know I never said some things that I meant to
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew

I miss you Daddy

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Men & Family


This article focuses on the role men play in the family and how his role is affected when they lose a child

Men & Family

Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples



The loss of a child can make or break a loving couple.  Losing our son brought my husband and I closer together and strengthened our love for each other and for Trey.  This article features tips on how to face the passing of a child as a couple

Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples

Guide to Grieving Dads


WOW!  What a detailed resource of what Angel Daddies go through when losing their children.  This article gives EXCELLENT insight to their grief.  


Guide to Grieving Dads

Friday, June 3, 2011

How to support an Angel Mummy



This is a great resource for those who know a grieving Angel Mommy.  It gives great ideas on how to be there for them and advice on what to do and what not to.  Please pass along the link.


How to support an Angel Mummy

A Dad's Heart



This is an excellent collection of musings from Angel Daddies about losing their babies.  Please the link along, Angel Daddies need support too.  

A Dad's Heart

A letter to my daughter


Dear Lorelei,

You have been wanted and loved since the beginning of time.  I have always longed to have a daughter and, even with you still in my belly, my heart knows that you're the daughter I have wished for since I was a little girl.  Being united with you at last fills my heart with love and happiness.   Being pregnant with you has been one of the greatest joys of my life and I cannot wait to meet you out in the world, although I feel like I've know you for ages.  With you growing in my tummy, I can already tell how colorful and loving you are and with each day that passes, I am busting with more and more pride to have you as my daughter.  I will miss the time we shared together as you grew from the tiniest speck to a beautiful, bouncing baby inside me, but it will be with the utmost pride that I share you with the world and the ones that already love you so much!  I look forward to holding you for the first time, staring into your beautiful eyes, and falling in love with you all over again.  It will be a joy to watch you as you grow and learn all of the wonders of this world and soon will come the difficult task of gradually letting you go to learn your own life lessons and become your own person.  Every step of the way, I will be there to lift you up, guide you, love you, accept you, and protect you unconditionally.  There are SO many things to look forward to, my little princess, and I cannot wait to share them with you!   You were created with love and have a lifetime of love ahead of you.

With more love than I can EVER express,
Mommy

Thursday, June 2, 2011

I Lost My Child

-Author Unknown
I lost my child today
People came to weep and cry
as I just sat and stared, dry eyed.
They struggled to find words to say
to try and make the pain go away
I walked the floor in disbelief.
I lost my child today...


I lost my child last month.
Most of the people went away.
some still call and some still stay
I wait to wake up from this dream
This can't he real, I want to scream
Yet everything is locked inside
God help me, I want to die
I lost my child last month.


I lost my child last year.
Now people who had came, have gone
I sit and struggle all day long
to bear the pain so deep inside.
And now my friends just question.
Why? Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good heavens, it has been so long
I lost my child last year.


Time has not moved on for me.
The numbness it has disappeared.
My eyes have now cried many tears.
I see the look upon your face
"You must move on and leave this place "
Yet I am trapped right here in time,
the songs the same, as is the rhyme.
I lost my child ... TODAY....

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Everywhere I Go

I heard this song today and couldn't help but smile thinking of Trey.  I know that this song was not written for an Angel Baby, but it may has well have been, it's encompasses every happy thought I have about my Angel Son being with me in my heart and in spirit.  Hearing this song really warmed my heart and made me smile bigger than I have for a while when thinking about Trey.  


Everywhere I Go  sung by Janet Jackson


There are times when I look above and beyond
There are times when I feel your love around me baby
I'll never forget ma' baby
(I'll never forget you)

There are times when I look above and beyond
There are times when I feel your love around me baby
I'll never forget ma baby
When I feel that I don't belong
Draw my strength
From the words when you said
Hey it's about you baby
Look deeper inside you baby

(Bridge)
Dream about us together again
When I want us together again baby
I know we'll be together again 'cause

(Chorus)
Everywhere I go
Every smile I see
I know you are there
Smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight
I know you are free
Cuz' I can see your star
Shinin' down on me

(Together again ooh )
Good times we'll share again
(Together again ooh )
That makes me wanna dance
(Together again ooh)
Say it loud and proud
(Together again ohh)
All my loves for you

Always been a true angel to me
Now above
I can't wait for you to wrap your wings around me baby
Wrap them around me baby
Sometimes hear you whisperin'
No more pain
No worries will you ever see now baby
I'm so happy for ma baby

(Bridge)
I dream about us together again
When I want us together again baby
I know we'll be together again 'cause

(Chorus)
Everywhere I go
Every smile I see
I know you are there
Smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight
I know you are free
Cuz' I can see your star
Shinin' down on me

(Together again ooh )
Good times we'll share again
(Together again ooh )
That makes me wanna dance
(Together again ooh)
Say it loud and proud
(Together again ohh)
All my loves for you

There are times when I look above and beyond
There are times when I feel you smile upon me baby
I'll never forget ma baby
What'll I give just to hold you close
As on earth
In heaven we will be together baby
Together again ma baby

(Chorus)x2
Everywhere I go
Every smile I see
I know you are there
Smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight
I know you are free
Cuz' I can see your star
Shinin' down on me

This poem and art work speak VOLUMES about those suffering the loss of a child, I just had to share. Please subscribe and support this blog. Many folks bare their broken hearts and souls in the face of their grief over their babies. I have already contributed a poem to this site and hope that others are willing to share as well.