Wednesday, May 25, 2011

34 at 34

We are well into the 34th week of pregnancy, a TOTALLY different place then we were in our pregnancy with Trey.  He was born on the first day of our 34th week, a scary time for babies to be born.  This whole pregnancy, I wondered how I would feel about reaching this landmark, never guessing that I would be as overcome with joy and worry free as I am, but, like lots of things life, it was not without bumps in the road.

Last Friday, I didn't feel the baby move all morning and all of my attempts to make her move did not produce any movement.  I started fearing that Trey's condition was not the ONLY reason I went into pre-term labor, that I had no proof that I could carry a baby to term so I called the doctor and asked to be monitored.  Since week 23, I have been on pre-term labor watch to be sure that Trey's condition was the ONLY reason why I went into pre-term labor, so naturally they got me right into the monitoring room.   No sooner had I entered the office did Lorelei start having a party in my belly, the little stinker!!!  One of the doctors heard the activity on the monitor and asked why I was being monitored for reduced fetal movement.  For a moment I felt embarrassed and ridiculous, until the doctor taking care of me leaned over to me and assured me that I was right to come in, that there was no sense in taking the change in baby movement lightly.  Through my apologies for taking up their time, she encouraged me to call in with my concerns, that I knew my baby's habits best and she gave me inside tips above and beyond the ones I already knew on how to get the baby to move when movement is reduced.  It was so nice to hear, when others were telling me not to worry, that at this point in the pregnancy the baby is running low on space and movement becomes more and more limited.  In my mind, limited movement is FAR different than no movement at all and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Saturday, the first day of the 34th week, I was at a wedding and when people asked how far along I was they automatically responded to my reply with comments like "Oh, the baby could come ANY time now".  Though they meant no harm by their response (most of them not knowing our previous pregnancy experience), it irked me that they were saying stuff like that.  To my husband and I, it was nothing to jest about or even elude to, even for couples that have not experienced the premature birth of their baby.

Most everyone knows that having a premature baby nearly ALWAYS comes with health risks and time spent in the NICU, both of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  No one knows this experience more than parents of children born prematurely and the mere suggestion that our daughter could come any day now sets my thoughts into a spin, remembering the nightmare of watching our child suffer as a premature baby.    I don't need anyone feeding my fears, I do that enough on my own.  This possibility of Lorelei being born prematurely is NOT something I want to even enter my mind, I have enough things that I worry about already, I have been determined that I would carry this baby full term and that's where I want my head and heart to be focused on.  I like hearing wishes that this baby comes on time and healthy.  Yet, I must be forgiving and know that the people making comments about her being premature mean no harm and more than likely, their babies were born on time and healthy.  It makes me glad they do not carry our burden on their shoulders, that their children are healthy and thriving.

After all that drama, my husband and I were FINALLY able to bask in the glow of being 34 weeks and still going!  I joked that Lorelei did not come out to see her shadow so that indicated 6 more weeks of pregnancy.    I've wanted children since I knew that I would be married my husband, and FINALLY at 34 years old, I feel like this pregnancy will go the distance and we will bring our daughter home and share a beautiful life with her as Trey watches over us above.  Yes, at this stage, pregnancy can be uncomfortable, but I prefer the discomfort to what I was feeling in my last pregnancy at this point, which was devastation and worry over our premature son's health, which eventually led to grieving our son's passing.  And even though this pregnancy is STILL moving at the speed of snail, it won't be long until we are holding our daughter in our arms, a happier family: loving husband and wife, an angel child in heaven and one in our arms!