Friday, May 27, 2011

Don't Stop

I would like to think that our Angels are Fleetwood Mac fans and if they could sing any of their songs to us, they would pick this one!!


Don't Stop
Written by Christine McVie


If you wake up and don't want to smile
If it takes just a little while
Open your eyes and look at the day
You'll see things in a different way

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be, better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Why not think about times to come
And not about the things that you've done
If your life was bad to you
Just think what tomorrow will do

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be, better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

All I want is to see you smile
If it takes just a little while
I know you don't believe that it's true
I never meant any harm to you

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be, better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Don't you look back, don't you look back

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

34 at 34


We are well into the 34th week of pregnancy, a TOTALLY different place then we were in our pregnancy with Trey.  He was born on the first day of our 34th week, a scary time for babies to be born.  This whole pregnancy, I wondered how I would feel about reaching this landmark, never guessing that I would be as overcome with joy and worry free as I am, but, like lots of things life, it was not without bumps in the road.

Last Friday, I didn't feel the baby move all morning and all of my attempts to make her move did not produce any movement.  I started fearing that Trey's condition was not the ONLY reason I went into pre-term labor, that I had no proof that I could carry a baby to term so I called the doctor and asked to be monitored.  Since week 23, I have been on pre-term labor watch to be sure that Trey's condition was the ONLY reason why I went into pre-term labor, so naturally they got me right into the monitoring room.   No sooner had I entered the office did Lorelei start having a party in my belly, the little stinker!!!  One of the doctors heard the activity on the monitor and asked why I was being monitored for reduced fetal movement.  For a moment I felt embarrassed and ridiculous, until the doctor taking care of me leaned over to me and assured me that I was right to come in, that there was no sense in taking the change in baby movement lightly.  Through my apologies for taking up their time, she encouraged me to call in with my concerns, that I knew my baby's habits best and she gave me inside tips above and beyond the ones I already knew on how to get the baby to move when movement is reduced.  It was so nice to hear, when others were telling me not to worry, that at this point in the pregnancy the baby is running low on space and movement becomes more and more limited.  In my mind, limited movement is FAR different than no movement at all and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Saturday, the first day of the 34th week, I was at a wedding and when people asked how far along I was they automatically responded to my reply with comments like "Oh, the baby could come ANY time now".  Though they meant no harm by their response (most of them not knowing our previous pregnancy experience), it irked me that they were saying stuff like that.  To my husband and I, it was nothing to jest about or even elude to, even for couples that have not experienced the premature birth of their baby.

Most everyone knows that having a premature baby nearly ALWAYS comes with health risks and time spent in the NICU, both of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  No one knows this experience more than parents of children born prematurely and the mere suggestion that our daughter could come any day now sets my thoughts into a spin, remembering the nightmare of watching our child suffer as a premature baby.    I don't need anyone feeding my fears, I do that enough on my own.  This possibility of Lorelei being born prematurely is NOT something I want to even enter my mind, I have enough things that I worry about already, I have been determined that I would carry this baby full term and that's where I want my head and heart to be focused on.  I like hearing wishes that this baby comes on time and healthy.  Yet, I must be forgiving and know that the people making comments about her being premature mean no harm and more than likely, their babies were born on time and healthy.  It makes me glad they do not carry our burden on their shoulders, that their children are healthy and thriving.

After all that drama, my husband and I were FINALLY able to bask in the glow of being 34 weeks and still going!  I joked that Lorelei did not come out to see her shadow so that indicated 6 more weeks of pregnancy.    I've wanted children since I knew that I would be married my husband, and FINALLY at 34 years old, I feel like this pregnancy will go the distance and we will bring our daughter home and share a beautiful life with her as Trey watches over us above.  Yes, at this stage, pregnancy can be uncomfortable, but I prefer the discomfort to what I was feeling in my last pregnancy at this point, which was devastation and worry over our premature son's health, which eventually led to grieving our son's passing.  And even though this pregnancy is STILL moving at the speed of snail, it won't be long until we are holding our daughter in our arms, a happier family: loving husband and wife, an angel child in heaven and one in our arms!  

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Finding a Balance: Self Care Quiz

"Grievers often spend a lot of time taking care of the “business” of grief, and adjusting the new responsibilities that follow. Taking care of other family members, household chores, financial matters, and medical claims can be extremely difficult – while busy taking care of these things, grievers often overlook taking care of themselves."

Finding a Balance: Self Care Quiz

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Angel Name Tributes

I love websites like this that will create various types of artwork using your angel's name!! Mostly these generous people provide this honor for free or for a donation to their cause. Below are a few I have enjoyed and supported!



To Write Their Names in the Sand: http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/



Wednesday, May 18, 2011

It's Hard For Dads

Special thanks to Martine Brennan for this article.


When babies are born still, it is hard on Dads in a different way than it is on Moms. Dads I have worked with say things like "I had to be strong for my wife" "I had to hold it together to organise the funeral", "I didn't feel old enough to be a Dad, not to mind a bereaved Dad", "All I kept thinking was I had to go back to work because my wife just couldn't", "I was really afraid that my wife would go mad and I couldn't tell anyone" "I had always depended on my wife to sort things out and all of a sudden I was the one she was depending on. I was afraid to feel anything in case I fell apart." The pressure Dads feel is enormous. They feel that once their baby is born still they are on duty 24/7 with no end in sight.
It is no surprise then that a lot of Dads simply shut down emotionally. Every ounce of their energy is poured into "keeping it together" and "keeping the show on the road." This is further compounded when everybody asks you how your wife is and very few people ask you how are you. Dads try to be strong, to be in control and along the way they "forget" how to feel their feelings. They forget that they need to grieve too. Often the Moms then end up feeling shut out and unheard. A silence can grow between the couple, a chasm without a bridge in sight.
If you are a Dad who can recognise yourself in what I have written, I want you to know there is a way to build a bridge. The following are some suggestions about what you can do. Start with small steps. Acknowledge aloud to your wife that you do feel sad but that you can't talk about your feelings just yet. When you are ready maybe you can tell her that you are trying to protect her. Further on again, maybe you can begin to tell her how afraid you are, how you don't want to let her down. Even a little opening on your part will be met with so much love. And even if your wife becomes angry at first, please know that she is angry because she cares. She is angry because she does not know how else to be. She is angry because life has dealt you both a cruel blow. So just listen and love her. Don't get angry back. Together you created your baby out of your love for each other and together you mourn your baby's death. Watch out for the crossroads of your grief where you can meet up and hold each other up. Though you grieve differently your grief is for that same beloved baby. Allow your love for your baby to unite you.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6269985
Martine Brennan

Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Common Healing

Last night, I watched a touching story on 20/20 about a couple who took a leisurely flight that ended in flames and changed their lives forever.  I have always been intrigued by how people pick themselves up and continue to face life after tragedy, never believing I could be that strong myself.  Yet, after Trey's passing, I proved myself wrong and showed myself a kind of strength, though admittedly wavering at times, that I never knew I possessed!  So when this story was previewed, I was ready to watch the story of a couple who persevered a horrifying crash and burns transforming their lives as they knew them.  

I watched in attentively as the details of the story were shared anxious to see  the rainbow of their storm development.  The woman has 30 degree burns on a large percentage of her body that left her face unrecognizable, except for her eyes.  The doctors said that extent of the burns not only singed her skin, but the very makeup of her facial structure, save the bone.  She was placed in a medical coma for three months to ease her pain and suffering as her body healed and the doctors aided in skin replacement.  There were times when her family was unsure of her survival.  The husband was also placed in a medical coma for the treatment of the 30 degree burns covering much less of his body.  After a matter of weeks, he was awoken and started his journey of healing.  When the wife was taken out of the coma, it took her months to even allow mirrors into her hospital room and look at her face.  Her motivation to finally view her face came before her children's first visit, which was traumatic to say the least.  Needless to say, it took her four young children a little while to  come around to their mother's new look.   No doubt, this couple's healing would be a multifaceted emotional journey.

Then, the journalist made a statement about this being the hardest thing that a marriage could endure and HONESTLY, in my mind I immediately disagreed and my thoughts screamed "UM NO!  LOSING A CHILD IS THE HARDEST!!".  Yet my heart was still very much connected to the story and wanted to understand how this event could be the hardest thing for the couple, knowing full well that any sort of tragedy can be difficult on a partnership.

As always, I am so glad I listened to my heart.  The couple began to talk about their healing journey and I IMMEDIATELY started to see parallels in the journey my husband I are still on in our healing from losing our son.  All of the usual suspects were present: grief, guilt, remorse, blame, helplessness, anger, sorrow, confusion, and too many others to name, but couples who have been through tragedy know them all by heart.  They both seemed to grieve for their former selves as my husband and I did. They seemed to be very open with each other, talking every night about the tragedy, trying to understand each other's experiences, specifically the fact that the husband left the engulfed plane FULLY believing that his wife was alert and right behind him (even hearing her voice telling him to get out) when in reality she was unconscious in the back seat and ended waking up in flames, alone.  I can only imagine, even though they described it, the abandonment she felt and the guilt he felt after the fact.

The important thing is that they came through, not unscathed, but made it through as a couple and as parents and just like my husband and I on our journey, they had rough patches to get through, both individually and as a couple.  Though our tragedies were very different, there were SO many parallels in our healing processes and our journeys back to life.  I feel that they too lost a part of themselves in their tragedy as we did losing Trey and they had to live up to a new norm the way we did as well.  They had to face so many new realities and feelings and had to lean on each other step by step on their journey of healing.  Their story gave me a new perspective on life's tragedies and rising from the storms of life.

Though I believe that losing Trey was the hardest thing for us to endure, our love for each other made it so much easier than it could have been.  I have come to realize how many of life's setbacks that our intense love has gotten us through and I am beyond grateful that I have this love in my life.  Watching this couple's story made me so proud of them, for persevering not only individually, but as husband and wife as well, and I must admit, that same pride was felt for my husband and I.

The most important thing I got from this whole story, is the wife saying her inspiration for picking herself up and starting her healing journey was the fact that she had a beautiful life to get back to and she especially wanted to get back to being a mother.  AMEN TO THAT!!

To view more details about this story, please click on the following link: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/stephanie-nielsons-story-tragic-crash-mom-lost/story?id=13574901

Friday, May 13, 2011

Couldn't have said it better...


From my dear friend's blog Once A Mother

Mothers cannot let go.
Mothers always hurt.
Mothers feel the absence of the child they have lost all the time, and strive to feel their presence in whatever ways we can.
Mothers all share the great fear that our children, their lives, and their impact on this great wide world, will be forgotten.

To lose your child is to forever lose a piece of your own soul.
As mothers we need to protect our children.
As bereaved mothers we need to protect their memories.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day Wish For Grieving Mothers


Am I a Mother


Am I a Mother - Tips for Handling Mother’s Day After MiscarriagePDFPrintE-mail
Written by Lisa Church   



Are you spending this Mother’s Day wondering if you are, in fact, a mother? 900,000-1 million women in the U.S. alone face this question every year after suffering pregnancy loss. “For women who experience a miscarriage during their first pregnancy, the question of motherhood is an even greater one,” says Lisa Church of HopeXchange, a company dedicated to the support of women and their families facing pregnancy loss.
Mother’s Day is the most difficult holiday a woman must face after pregnancy loss. A time that was supposed to be a celebration of a new life and a new motherhood becomes a time of sadness and grief. Church’s book, Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death, encourages women to use the holiday to remember their babies, rather than making it a dreaded event to endure each year. “Nothing will lesson the pain of Mother’s Day, but with some planning you can make sure the day has meaning for you,” says Church. Here are some tips from the book that can help:
- You Are a Mother.
The best gift you can give yourself on Mother’s Day is the acknowledgement that you are a mother. You may not have a baby to hold in your arms, but you do have one in your heart.
- Let Your Family Know What You Need.
If you feel uncomfortable being recognized as a mother at a banquet or other function, substitute an activity you would feel good about. If you would rather not receive or wear a flower, then wear an item that helps you to connect with your baby, such as a piece of jewelry that includes the baby’s birthstone.
- Remember Your Baby.
Mother’s Day can be a great time for a husband and wife to talk about their baby and what the baby meant to them. Take a walk, have a quiet dinner, or just set aside some time to remember your baby together.
- Decide Ahead of Time.
The way you chose to spend Mother’s Day should be your decision- and one you make ahead of time. Setting time aside to remember and talk about your baby will make you “feel” more like a mom on the very day designed to do that. Church also reminds women that their spouses may experience similar feelings on Father’s Day, “so be sure to ask how he would like to spend the day.”
Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death is available online at http://www.HopeXchange.com, Amazon.com and Barnes&Noble.com or by calling HopeXchange Publishing at 757-826-2162.
Lisa Church is author of "Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death and founder of HopeXchange, a company dedicated to helping women and their families facing miscarriage.
To find miscarriage support and sign up for her FREE, monthly newsletter visit 
Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com

Saturday, May 7, 2011

What Makes a Mother

This one's a tear jerker!! To ALL Angel Mommies out there, don't let ANYONE tell you that you are not a Mommy on Mother's Day or any other day! You ARE a Mommy to an Angel Child in Heaven, the hardest type of Mommy to be. HUGE HUGS to you all!

YouTube - What Makes a Mother

Dear Mr. Hallmark


Written by by Gwen Flowers   

Dear Mr. Hallmark,
Happy Mothers Day to you,
and may peace fill your heart
as you and your sweet baby spend
this mothers day apart
My thoughts and prayers are with you
on this Mothers Day
for you have seen your hopes and dreams
softly slip away
Happy Mothers Day to you
you deserve nothing less
for you have borne the burden
of loss and emptiness.
You have earned the right to roses
or daisies in chubby hands
but all I can offer to you
is a friend who understands.
There's so much pain and sorrow
when things turn out this way
but we share a special bond
on this special day.
So happy Mothers Day, my friend
may it bring some joy to you
for you have loved that special way
that only mothers do.

A Mother's Day Wish From Heaven


Written by by Jody Seilheimer   

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.