Sunday, March 20, 2011

These are the days...

Today is the first day of Spring on our side of the world, a time a new life, renewal, and brighter days!  I would have to say that this has always been one of my favorite days of the year!  I am a warmer weather person and I love looking forward to sunnier days of Spring and Summer!  

Two years ago today, I had an even greater reason to look forward to Spring.  Not only did Spring bring in the sunshine but I had the birth of my son to look forward to, and even greater gift than Spring.   On this day two years ago, we had no idea that a nightmare was brewing.  It was a Friday and my school was having a make-up Baby Shower for me because I had to cancel the shower the day before due to an emergency Neonatal Cardiac appointment.  There was great concern about the state of Trey's heart and for two excruciating hours, I lay on  the ultrasound table trying to remain still during what I know now as pre-labor contractions.  The Make-Up shower was a needed distraction to the bad news that our son had a heart condition that needed further investigation by local specialists and multiple surgeries would be needed.   Little did I know, the very next day (two years ago tomorrow) I would be visiting the triage at the hospital hoping to get treated for what they thought was a urinary tract infection only to be admitted into the hospital for a ruptured amniotic sac.

This week, two years ago, the nightmare officially began, and so much of it has not ended for us.  Wednesday the 23rd would've been Trey's second birthday and almost two weeks from now we will be observing Trey's 2nd Angelversary.  The day before his Angelversary will be our 6th wedding anniversary which seems to be overshadowed by Trey's Angelversary the very next day.  Don't get me wrong, we will forever celebrate the unique gift of Spring that is our son, but it's a bittersweet beginning to a season that is supposed to stand for new life.  Yes, his birth symbolized new life, but his life was not nearly as long as the season of life that he was born into.  For the next couple of weeks, we will be reliving the days between Trey's birth and his passing, where we were, what we were doing, the hospital visits, the good news, the bad news, the even worse news, the lies, the hope, the heartache, the regrets, the guilt, the circumstances, but most importantly, our undying love and devotion for our son that has only gotten stronger in the last two years.  It is also a time to remember and be grateful for our family and friends and their never ending love and support during what would be the most difficult time in our lives!  I don't think we could've felt more surrounded by love!

No doubt, these next few weeks will not be easy for us, I personally am dreading it.  I plan to focus my attention on rounding out our service project in Trey's honor and the little girl growing inside my belly, which my husband and believe is a gift from our Angel Trey.   I will be looking to Trey for his unending supply of strength and love during the difficult days immediately ahead and any and all difficult days in the future.  I am hoping that the love that my husband and I have for each other and our son will life our spirits and get us through the next few weeks.  We are also hoping that these days ahead are gentle on our family and friends, and everyone who loves Trey like we do.  

To our son Trey, the sorrow that the next few weeks may bring us is only a reflection of our unconditional and amazing love for you and a reflection of how much we miss you and wish we could hold you in our arms, not only in our hearts and memories!  We all love you very much!  Thanks for inspiring us!

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