Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I started writing this on Monday after a hard day during which my mind swam around the fears and anxieties that plague this pregnancy.  When I first started, I found myself writing the same words and feelings I have written about time and time again, and it was in no way touching the panic and anxiety I felt that day.  There were so many thoughts and fears running through my head that day that I had to fight back tears and catch my breath most of the day.  Needless to say, it was hard for me to focus long enough to express what I was going through so after sitting in front of the computer for over an hour, typing and retyping what I had written, trying to convey the heaviness of the day,  I set it aside.  In the three days since, I have had time to calm down, focus my thinking, and exhale, yet the words to describe the tornado of emotions I was feeling three days prior still escape me.  I guess the only way I can describe it is all of the emotions, fears, and anxieties I have written about bombarded me at once, with great speed and a larger force than I could have imagined.  Usually these emotions come in waves one or two at a time, hardly the tidal wave I experienced on Monday.  I am thankful that it has passed and I wouldn't be surprised if I see the tidal wave again.  So instead of rehashing my feelings, I'll let someone else's words speak for me and let their music soothe my restless soul.

Feelin' The Same Way  by Norah Jones

The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so now I know
The time has come again for me

(Chorus) And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own
I'll try and find the floor below to stand 
I hope I reach it once again


So many times I've wondered where I've gone
And how I found my way back in
I look around awhile for something lost
Maybe I'll find it in the end



  1. Hugs, sweetie. You text me anytime you need to. I wish I had some better insights for you than I did, but just know that I know EXACTLY where you were on Monday...I have been there.

  2. I'm glad you're feeling less anxious today. Hugs.

  3. Oh sweetie. I can relate and I'm so sorry. Anxiety has a hold on me right now and I just want to scream, cry, kick, and crawl under my covers and not come out. We can scream together whenever you want! Hugs!!