Since the news that our baby is a girl and is healthy and thriving, you have not seen two happier parents. "Happy" does not even begin to describe our feelings at this point. The only way I can describe it is that our rainbow baby sent us a rainbow of elation that washed away what I am now referring to as "the murk" (my own word coming from the word murky which is defined by www.dictionary.com as "dark and gloomy").
Seeing our little girl dance and sometimes wrestle against the efforts of the ultrasound tech and perinatal doctor reassured us that our little girl was a strong baby ready to take on the world. All her measurements were on target and her heart and all its little parts were strong and pumping away. The rainbow of bliss brought visions of all of the wonderful possibilities in life when bringing a daughter into the world along with humorous visions of my husband cleaning his shotgun in front of potential suitors and swallowing the wedding bill. The wonderings began in regards to what she would look like and if we would we see Trey in her. She has earned her own pronoun and we find joy in using her name instead of referring to her as "the baby" or "it". It feels like Christmas, the visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads are REALLY visions of bringing her into the world, watching her grow, and experiencing every joy and milestone that parents cherish. One could consider these "visions of sugar plums" were ACTUALLY long overdue visions of hope.
Our hearts and minds were buzzing with all of the things we needed to do to get ready for her which we were more than ready to get started on. For the first time in nearly two years, I excitedly entered a baby store and began setting up our baby registries and looking at little girl clothes. Today, a friend and I are delving into the unused baby stuff we already have, packing up all the boy stuff (FOR NOW!!!!!), and making an inventory of things we still need so it can be purchased and/or added to our registries. We've excitedly talked about future plans, even discussing how we would need to keep an eye on her growth and maturity so when the time comes to decide when she starts school, we will know if she's developmentally ready to go ahead as a young student or needs another year to mature (tricky summer babies). We haven't planned much for the future up to this point. It seems that, so far, during the second half of this pregnancy we are looking forward, instead of looking back like we did during the first half.
Up to this point, we've only had the task of waiting and keeping healthy. These are easy tasks that don't require much mental or emotional effort, but now we have so much we need and want to do, it has superseded our emotional and mental routines that have taken over the last three or four months. It's a refreshing change of pace to have things to look forward to instead of dread. Don't get me wrong, "the murk" has tried to sneak in, but the rainbow has brought so many jubilant thoughts and feelings, "the murk" hasn't stood a chance. I am sure this isn't the last we have seen of "the murk", but I am hoping that we have stored up enough mental and emotional sunshine that when "the murk" shows up, there is a fair fight.
For now though, I am riding high on this rainbow, trying to brush the clouds of "the murk" away. There is so much to look forward to and so much to be happy and thankful for. We have a healthy daughter with a VERY proud big brother in heaven, who I am sure was dancing around heaven on Thursday, super excited that Thursday was the day that his Mommy and Daddy were going to find out that the baby was a girl and she was thriving! What a beautiful vision! So many visions flood my mind, heart, and soul now. Some use the phrase "over the moon" to describe their happiness, I am using my own phrase, "over the rainbow".