Friday, January 7, 2011

The next leg of the journey

Today marks the first day of our second trimester, can't believe it!!  This pregnancy is going at the speed of snail, scratch that, think of anything slower than a snail and it is still slower than that.  Yes, we are past the "danger" zone, or are we?  Most of the Angel Mommies I know lost their precious babies in the second trimester and still a large percent of the others lost their baby angels right before or right after they were born. I guess there is uncertainty throughout, yet I keep thinking that Trey picked out this baby especially for us, a perfect baby that will enrich our lives for more years than we can count.  I bet he was just as anxious as we were for the right time and baby to come along.

We start the second trimester with very good odds against Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and Trisomy 13.  CHARGE Syndrome cannot be tested at this time but we are assured that the baby will be tested, though we know the probability is far too slim for it reoccur.  No doubt we will get more information on what will be tested during this trimester.  SOOOOOOOOO not looking forward to the glucose to test that tests for blood sugar levels.   But, at this point we will take any and every test that is necessary to ensure the health of our child. 

We also start this trimester with new insurance which means new doctors.  The good news is that my old doctors are insisting that I see perinatal specialists, not a regular OBGYN, which makes us happy because we know that the baby and I will be closely monitored at all times.  I would have it no other way.  Also, the perinatal OBGYN that I will be seeing comes highly recommended by two VERY close friends and every medical professional I have come across who hears that we will be under his care.  We also will be delivering at the hospital of our choice.  Starting over with new doctors is rather nerve racking for me, I had to start with new doctors at the beginning of last year.  Rehashing all of my medical files and experiences is heartbreaking, like reliving the nightmare.  There's always more explaining to do, places on forms that I am filling out to indicate past pregnancies or hospital stays, then more questions about that.   I am hoping not to have to do too much rehashing, that my files will tell our story.  My former OBGYN has also spoken to the Perinatal OBGYN about our situation, so I am praying for an easy transition into new healthcare.

Still, I am grateful.  I know too many that are still struggling to get pregnant with their first and I, despite the struggle, and blessed to be pregnant again within two years.  I couldn't imagine never being pregnant.  I would not trade my time with Trey, no matter how tragic, for anything in the world.  Neither would I trade this emotional roller coaster of a pregnancy.  I can only imagine how painful it would be to never have the experiences at all, to never have life grow inside of me, especially if it is what I yearn for with all my heart.  The time between my pregnancies was the most painful time for me as a mother.  I had given birth but had no baby to show for it.  With each passing month with no positive pregnancy test, my arms seemed emptier and emptier.  Now that we are expecting again, I often think about those around me that still have empty arms, whether they have lost a child or are still waiting for the blessing of their first.  My only wish is that they too have a personal angel that is waiting for the perfect baby to send to them.

No comments:

Post a Comment